I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
