i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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