I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize