Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
