Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
