why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
