I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
