my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
