my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need water and some morals
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
