his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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