As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
