Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
