so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
