He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
