So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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