So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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