i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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