Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your penis caused this!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
