I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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