Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
