this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
