I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
