i think my tv is drunk
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
