I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
