He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
