either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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