i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
