So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
