I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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