Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
