Banned from zoo.
Again?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
