"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
