I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
