Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You made out with two different species that night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
