so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
