you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
