matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
