Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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