Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
