My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
