There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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