Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
