You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
