doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
