Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
