Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone shattered a urinal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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