I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
