So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
