it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
