morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
