ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
