Don't make out with my wife yet
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
