Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
