Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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