What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
