she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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