one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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