it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
