New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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