it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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