Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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