got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
