I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm both gender and math confused
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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