If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
