I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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