and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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