Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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